It's been a while...

Well,
It's been a while since I've posted. This is honestly a blog for myself. I like to see what I was doing or feeling or thinking in the past.

Well, it is Monday night (technically Tuesday). I just finished watching the Dallas Cowboys beat the Redskins. It was quite exciting. I should be studying for an upcoming test and quiz, but I'm too distracted and have much on my mind.  I hope this can help me relieve some of that stuff in my head. I'm stressed. Money, lack of it. BILLS, school. I need a job!

I feel a bit sad. In a few days would have been my son's birthday. He was due October 2nd. I tend to get sad around this time and around the time I lost him. I wonder if this feeling ever goes away? I wish he was here. I wish he was running around. He would be a rambunctious 3 year old. He'd be my nephew, Liam's playmate. He'd be my pride and joy. I wonder what he would look like. I wonder what he would be learning...I just wonder how it would be with him here.  It isn't fair. Why did I have to go through this...twice. What is that reason that God took him from me? I want to know. I still get bitter when I hear of others being blessed with pregnancies...babies. I just wish I felt okay. No one really understands unless they have experienced it. I wish I could have done things differently to cherish his memory. I'm just glad I got to see his little sweet face. I almost refused to see him. But how could a mother not want to see her child's face? I wonder how he's doing. What is he doing up there? I know he is with God. I just wished I could have held on to him a little longer.

God help me. It still hurts. It still makes me cry. It still weighs heavy on my broken heart. Please, give me an answer. Give some comfort and peace. I know you will be the only one who could do that for me. I hope your plans for me include being a mom. It just hurts.


sincerely,
heart broken

Smile :)

"Smile" -Charlie Chaplin

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through

for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you’ll just

Smile

Liam!

I am a PROUD 1st time Auntie to my precious little Liam!

He is the LOVE of my life! I fell in love with him when I first met him! It's funny how someone so little can have such a huge part of your life.

He makes the funniest faces! He is hilarious! He is the first boy in our family...my parents only had 2 girls. He is definitely spoiled by grandma and grandpa.

If I have a bad day, I could just look at him and it turns my day around. He has me wrapped around his little finger.

My Liam will be 2 years old in October. He has been a huge blessing to our family! Love you baby boy!



My "Kids"

Well, Chris and I have not been blessed with children yet. It just has not been our time. I can't wait though! I hope one day to be a mommy of a healthy, beautiful baby! All in God's timing I suppose.

For now, we are PROUD parents (owners) to our dogs Bella and Diego!

Bella...

(Bella right before we got her!)

Bella, my sweet Bella. She is our princess...our diva. We got her while we were going through a very difficult time in our lives...probably the hardest. We were newly weds...she was (and still is) our baby. She has shown us unconditional love, has caused a few headaches, and has chewed her way around. We could not imangine our lives without her. She was sent for a special reason.

Diego...

(when we first got Diego)

OH Diego...our Troublemaker!! We got him about 7 months ago...during the summer of 2010, right before we left for our Vegas trip. He is absolutely a breath of fresh air. He is HILARIOUS! He LOVES to chew on anything and everything. He is my little sock thief. We love him so much, even when he has upset us. He has ruined a number of shoes, shirts, socks...baseboard in our home...chewed through some extension cords. As mad as he can make me, he truly has that "sad puppy dog" face, and I forgive him immediately. He's my baby boy.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

("Buddies")

Just as that quote says...they look up to us and love us unconditionally. If only the world can have the love a dog has for his master, it would be a better place. I love my "babies"!

My Husband

I've been married for nearly 3 years to my sweetheart, Chris. Our anniversary is May 24th. He is the love of my life...the glue in our little family. He is one of the hardest workers I know. You know they say a girl will marry someone who's like her dad...I think it has some truth to it. They are both HARD workers to provide for their family. He recently let me quit my job as of 12/31/10 and go to school full time. Since then, he's been working full time at his normal job and has opened a computer repair business as well. He is busy all the time. At times it gets frustrating because we don't see eachother as often as we'd like, but he does what he needs to do to provide for us. I have been blessed with a wonderful partner in life.

The Race

The Race


I was driving to church one morning and I started to think of all the reasons why anyone would give up on life and check out. Life, as we all know, is hard. It knocks us down a few times. It makes us cry, it can anger us. It's rarely ever fair. Now living a Christ-like life can be even harder. We are held up to higher standards...Jesus' standards. He was perfect, how much harder could it get? When the unimaginable happens to us, we're suppose to act different than a non Christian. When it seems like one problem after another, we are supposed to keep going. It's hard! Imagine running a race: Not just any race, but the hurdles. Such is life, hurdle after hurdle. Sometimes we jump over them with no problem, and other times we trip and fall. But we are to always get up. God is always with us during our race. He's like that proud parent in the stands, cheering us on, saying "Get up My son!"... "Get up My daughter!"..."I know you can do it, don't give up!" Sometimes, we stay on the ground after a fall. It can take us a long time to get up again. It could be out of fear of falling again, complacency, exhaustion.


Now imagine this:


Jesus...at the mock trial before his death. He's carrying a heavy, splintery, wooden cross up a hill on a hot day. He falls from exhaustion or from a push in the crowd. He gets up and keeps going. People are mocking him, calling him names. People are pulling His hair and spitting on Him. He is being whipped continuously on his back as if he were a horse. He has blood rolling down his face because of the sharp crown of thorns pressed on his head....not to mention the salty sweat rolling over his open wounds. Yet, He keeps going. Jesus could have saved himself from that torture. He could have given up. He could have shown the crowd that He truly was the Son of God without all that torture. He didn't. He kept walking until he got to the top of the hill. Finally laying for a brief moment on top of the cross, not to rest but to be nailed to it. Every mistake we ever made, every bad decision, every sin...every wrong against someone, every hurt and pain was nailed to that old wooden cross. All for love.



Now ask yourself, is life really that bad that I should give up? I can say the cliché thing, "Someone else has it worse than you." As cliché as it may sound, it's true. Examine your life. What do you have to live for? Who is in your life? Is i your kids? Husband, wife, sister, grandparents? You get the picture. There are people who need you, no matter how horrible your life may seem at the moment. Be strong. Be optimistic. Smile when you don't feel like it. It will eventually come naturally.



I know this lady who's going through something that I could not even imagine going through. It is truly a matter of life or death...not for her but for one of her own. Yet, she is optimistic, positive. I'm sure she has her days where she breaks down, and that's okay. But I just don't get those frequent complainers who will cry about a bad day at work, or kids that just can't behave. Be thankful you have a job, be thankful your kids are healthy. Just be THANKFUL!



I promise you, it's not as bad as you make it!

Cake pops and Cake balls!

Red Velvet cake, crumbled to perfection into little balls on a stick. See below...

Okay, so I saw these cuuuute little balls of cake that were covered in chocolate and I just HAD to learn how to make them. They are quite simple...

Red Velvet Cake Pops/Cake Balls:

-1  box of red velvet cake mix (for the lazy people like me who don't make it from scratch)

-All the indgredients needed for the cake mix (usually an egg or 2, oil, water, etc.)

-White baker's chocolate or Candy melts (found at crafts stores...white or any color)

-Lolli pop sticks and mini cupcake cups (also found at craft stores)

-sprinkes or any kind of sprinkly decor

-1 or 2 packs of cream cheese

-wax paper on cookie sheet

1.) Bake RED velvet cake as instructed on box.

2.) After you have baked it, remove and let it cool.

3.) Once it has cooled down, BREAK it and place in a bowl!

4.) After you have broken it, add whole package of cream cheese and mix it! (messy but fun!)

5) After a good mixin' ..roll into palm sized balls...larger than a blow pop, smaller than a golf ball and stick a lolli pop stick in them if you're doing the cake pops, if you're doing the cake balls, don't add them.

6.) put each ball ontop of the wax paper and when filled, place in the freezer for a good 20 minutes or so, so that they may set

7.) After they have set, remove them from freezer and melt your candy melts or chocolate

8.) Dip or drizzle the melted candy onto your cake balls! Add the sprinkles before the candy hardens

and let them stand by sticking them onto a piece of styro-foam.

9.) After the candy has hardened...ENJOY the cuties!

Lolli pop trees!

Precious little cake balls of deliciousness!

They are soooo good and the cream cheese adds a little extra oomph!

Of course you can use any cake, candy melt combination. Have fun with it!